In transparency, I admit to:
- A fear of confrontation: Sometimes, it is much easier to sweep things under a rug instead of dealing with them. This backfires for me personally, as the issues resurface when not dealt with fully and/or at all.
- Fears of abandonment: the exact reason, I guess I am still trying to find. Some may say that it has to deal with childhood fears, but with my parents, I can’t see where either of them abandoned me per se. hmmmm…. So it must be past relationships…
- Fears of investment into people: I believe that there are times when you invest into people and don’t feel the ROI of love and appreciation back. That allows you to carry over fears into the future of creating new relationships and love. Understanding that God allows situations to occur for your Good and for your Lessons, takes the onus off of PEOPLE and allows one to focus on the lesson that He wants you to learn. Why should I be upset with people who mistreated me or take it out on current and future relationships, when there was a lesson to learn and the people involved were simply Pawns? Yes, it was ordained for some people in your life to be jerks and asses. If this was God’s plan, I should simply react by stickin’ and movin’
God, thank you for the pawns of my life that (DRIVE, are Driving, or DROVE ) learning lessons for my benefit.
Steps to Fixing or Having Better Relationships …
(I am going to add continual steps and reflections)
- Overcome the fear of confrontation: many times, people avoid confronting a person out of fears of rejection or judgement; or worse, the fact that they won’t be heard or the issue won’t be resolved. Healthy confrontation is needed as confrontation is inevitable. To get as close as we can to a PERFECT love, we must cast away these fears and lay foundations of trust with our loved ones.
1 John 4:18 – > There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.
In perfect love there is no fear. In fear there is no perfect love. Love is pleasant. Fear torments. The presence of fear shows chinks and imperfections in love.
Although the writer refers most likely to our relationship with God and our ability to have the faith to fully trust in Him, this can be translated to us gaining a fear free disposition with our earthly relationships.
Acts of kind love with your spouse/partner/friend/loved one enables one to fully exercise a lack of fear and a peace that passes all understanding.
Kind, fearless love enables one to confront their loved one peacefully, yet boldly with the courage and sight that peaceful resolution must be pursued and acquired in order to maintain the best relationship ever.
2. Focus less on expectations for reciprocity. Expectations are made to be met or broken. There are no celebrations when they are met. There is plenty of heartbreak when they are not… When concentrating on expectations in love, I believe this opens the portals of fear.
Why? Because unmet expectations and visions of HOW you want to be loved, HOW MUCH you are loved, HOW your partner expresses love for you, WHEN they express love will never be met consistently. Instead, we should focus on giving outbound love, killing hard to meet expectations, and appreciating glimmers of love that comes your way. In this way, Fear’s power over our lives is decreased and the Peace of Love can flourish in your life.