Fixin’ Dem’ Love Tings with Fearless, Bold, Love

In transparency, I admit to:

  • A fear of confrontation:  Sometimes, it is much easier to sweep things under a rug instead of dealing with them.  This backfires for me personally, as the issues resurface when not dealt with fully and/or at all.
  •  Fears of abandonment:  the exact reason, I guess I am still trying to find.  Some may say that it has to deal with childhood fears, but with my parents, I can’t see where either of them abandoned me per se.  hmmmm….  So it must be past relationships…
  • Fears of investment into people: I believe that there are times when you invest into people and don’t feel the ROI of love and appreciation back. That allows you to carry over fears into the future of creating new relationships and love.  Understanding that God allows situations to occur for your Good and for your Lessons, takes the onus off of PEOPLE and allows one to focus on the lesson that He wants you to learn.  Why should I be upset with people who mistreated me or take it out on current and future relationships, when there was a lesson to learn and the people involved were simply Pawns?  Yes, it was ordained for some people in your life to be jerks and asses.  If this was God’s plan, I should simply react by stickin’ and movin’

God, thank you for the pawns of my life that (DRIVE, are Driving, or DROVE ) learning lessons for my benefit.

Steps to Fixing or Having Better Relationships …

(I am going to add continual steps and reflections)

  1. Overcome the fear of confrontation:  many times, people avoid confronting a person out of fears of rejection or judgement;  or worse, the fact that they won’t be heard or the issue won’t be resolved.  Healthy confrontation is needed as confrontation is inevitable.  To get as close as we can to a PERFECT love, we must cast away these fears and lay foundations of trust with our loved ones.

1 John 4:18 – > There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.

In perfect love there is no fear.  In fear there is no perfect love.  Love is pleasant.  Fear torments.  The presence of fear shows chinks and imperfections in love.

Although the writer refers most likely to our relationship with God and our ability to have the faith to fully trust in Him, this can be translated to us gaining a fear free disposition with our earthly relationships.

Acts of kind love with your spouse/partner/friend/loved one enables one to fully exercise a lack of fear and a peace that passes all understanding.

Kind, fearless love enables one to confront their loved one peacefully, yet boldly with the courage and sight that peaceful resolution must be pursued and acquired in order to maintain the best relationship ever.

2.  Focus less on expectations for reciprocity.  Expectations are made to be met or broken.  There are no celebrations when they are met.  There is plenty of heartbreak when they are not…  When concentrating on expectations in love, I believe this opens the portals of fear.

Why?  Because unmet expectations and visions of HOW you want to be loved, HOW MUCH you are loved, HOW your partner expresses love for you, WHEN they express love will never be met consistently.  Instead, we should focus on giving outbound love, killing hard to meet expectations, and appreciating glimmers of love that comes your way.  In this way, Fear’s power over our lives is decreased and the Peace of Love can flourish in your life.

 

Sources:

  • http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2008/september/how-to-fight-fair.html
  • http://biblehub.com/commentaries/1_john/4-18.htm

WEALTH, PRACTICAL SKILLS, & MONEY MANAGEMENT

Wealth:

Reprogram your brain to make money.  Remember that MONEY is not the Root of evil… But where there is Poverty, that is where the most lack is … Education, Family stability, and a lack of helping others.

  • DO NOT feel guilty about wanting money.  Go into your brain and memory and try to overcome memories where others made you feel guilty.

Practical Skills:

To learn practical skills:

  • Get good with numbers!  In daily life, find some way to incorporate numbers, stats, etc.  Percentages and ratios etc. are most important numbers in managing money.

Money Management

  1. Understand your Cash Flow Direction (Negative, Positive, Flatline)
  2. STOP the negative flow of your bank account.
  3. Have an opportunity account.  Every month, put SOME money there and this will help you NOT miss out on opportunities.  1% Gross Income (average)
  4. Double down and invest in an Educational Fund (3% monthly income income).  Invest in your personal education. Invest money in what is working for you in your life.

Deeper Relationships

  • What some believe is that Money and Wealth can overpower the basic human need of deep relationships.  (Alexi Panos and Preston Smiles)

Everyone is (or should be) in the RELATIONSHIP Business.  Here are keys to Deeper more meaningful relationships.

It’s ok if you don’t agree, but as Preston mentioned in a video I was watching, we come in this world alone and leave alone.

Ask the richest men on their dying beds what their regrets are and they will most likely mention absences and/or lost time in relationships.

Enjoy these three Quick Tips on having deeper relationships with others and more importantly YOURSelf.

Key 1:  Family.

In business, engage in them.  Consider them family! Don’t just see dollar signs, boobs, and legs. Be curious based on engagement and use curiosity to learn how individuals tick.  Humanize, get to the connected human to human level, and you will stand out.

In love and personal relationships, we get complacent with love. We must get curious and ask in order to stay engaged in order to get more connected.  Everyday, your lover wakes up with new conditions and experiences.  Never presume or take them for granted.

Extended tribes and networks are grown by the law of attraction.  If you are not getting the results you want out of life, relationships, and business, you are not showing up as true as your potential is.

Key 2: Lead from your vision

Have your WHY in front.  Have your agenda upfront and support it.  When you lead with your vision and speak into that, then the tribe can understand and support.

In relationships, we must have a vision that leads.  When there is a BREAKDOWN in moments that we argue, fuss, and fight, we must step back and see the WHY and the BIG PICTURE in order to glide past trivial moments.

We win when we can find a common vision to support, while supporting the other’s needs and visions, we can overcome the bull shit of arguments and fights.

Vision and purpose can change thousands of times throughout life.  Focus on the now …

Step 3:  Own your Lane

Get in your lane and own it.  Own who you are, your gifts, and your talents and you will separate yourself from the pack.

You will be judged regardless. Stop doing the song and dances of others’ visions for your life.  You might as well do what is on your heart and soul to do.

DANCE!

Nietzsche said “And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”

Stop trying to attract your mate by trying to be the person that you THINK your mate wants.  BE YOURSELF.  Get in your lane and own it.

A Note From Mastin Kipp

Anything that annoys you is for teaching you patience.

Anyone who abandons you is for teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet.

Anything that angers you is for teaching you forgiveness and compassion.

Anything that has power over you is for teaching you how to take your power
back.

Anything you hate is for teaching you unconditional love.

Anything you fear is for teaching you courage to overcome your fear.

Anything you can’t control is for teaching you how to let go and trust the Universe.

Breaking Through Limitations #TonyRobbins

  1.  Find Unspoken Assumptions:  When people (or even you) say something, you must train yourself to listen for things that may be a limit.
    1. Because of what we “accept” is leading us.
    2. What is the choke hold?  if you believe there is a limitation, then there IS.
    3. If you or that person say “YES ITS TRUE” then question if they have all of the information beyond a shadow of a doubt to make sure that the limitation is true.
    4. BELIEVING self-limiting thoughts drains you of your positive energy and one can lose the driving force for success.
  2. Challenge the Unspoken Assumption
    1. And then, the question that you want to ask is “… is that really true…”?
  3. Break through the limiting emotion:
    1. You can’t lead a team or grow your business when you are not fully committed.
    2. Unload helplessness.  if that thought did not exist, what are three things you’d do to help your business?

A business can become stale when:

  • There are limiting thoughts
  • Not enough skills

Workbook-Time-of-your-Life

Play The Game Like You Have NOTHING To Lose

Big Kudos to http://www.projectlifemastery.com/how-to-get-back-your-desire-and-motivation for the insights!

I’ve recently needed a set of resets in my life.  I am doing exercises to reset my goals and aspirations.  Now is the time to get the fire and hunger back in order to meet these goals.

Sometimes I tell my 15 year old son that he is not hungry enough to be REALLY madly successful at playing high school sports.  I talk with other parents and we all agree and talk like we are “really old school” about how kids are spoiled these days.  And comfortable.  And that when we visit schools and gyms located in less economically blessed locations, that those kids as players seem hungrier and motivated and that they play the game like they have NOTHING to lose.

WOW.  Watching this video sparked that thought in me.

True, as the video mentions, the pain of my life’s failures, rejections, embarrassments, and/or the anticipation of the the hardship to get to a goal outweighs my desires now and that is what I am soul searching for… a way to reset and to make my WHY of wanting that goal so strong that it outweighs any thoughts of NOT reaching that goal.

But in addition, my lack of desire also comes from being comfortable.

I am praying today to:

  • Let my motivation for execution of my goals match the outcomes of what and why I want to succeed.
  • Know that I am MORE than what I am today and that I have to have the faith to move the mountains for the promises on the other side.

As I tell my son, as hypocritical as I may be, “…play the Game like you have nothing to lose… ” .

HERE ARE SOME OF MY TAKE-AWAYS FROM THIS VIDEO

  • Both successful and mediocre people have had failures.  But Successful people don’t let their failures STOP them.  They view failure as learning experiences that become assets to propel them into success.
  • Mediocre people have thoughts like “it’s not possible”, “I can’t do it” and let their pain overcome the result or goal that they want.

Life does not happen TO me.  Life happens FOR me.

  • Everything in life is a GIFT.  There is GOOD in every situation.
  • Take bad experiences and use them for your benefit.  Turn them into assets that help you achieve your goals.
  • Moments of failure force one to PONDER in order to CHANGE.  It makes one stronger.
  • FAILURE, if focused on, will allow one to concentrate on just the bad.
  • Need to replace limiting thoughts that are in the way of achieving goals.
  • YOU ARE A BETTER PERSON TODAY than you have ever been.  You are prepared for this moment right now.  Your PAST does not dictate your future.
  • Associate pleasure to what you want.  Think about the benefit … Freedom, travel, nice clothes, cars, residences…. Then it is easy to get the passion to achieve it.

This is a process that is easier said than done.  But being that our thoughts manifest our next steps, I will start to process my failures in much better and productive ways.

 

What Would Do It For You?

  1.  Make a list of at least 50 items to accomplish, big and small, no matter what it is… in the next 10 years.  Let your mind run free.
  2. Examples:  Cities to visit, Play in a Band, Have a Cabin in the mountains, multiple residences, Who would I like to meet, Instruments to play, Star in a Movie, Experiences, Pay for education for kids, income goals, Investments, properties to buy, businesses to start.

The Day You Turn Your LIFE AROUND

  1.  Disgust.  The day that you are DISGUSTED with your current place and lot in life is the day that you will be ready to make change.
    1. It is a LIFE CHANGING DAY when you have this moment.
  2. DECIDE. Decide to change your life.
  3. DESIRE.  they say that desire waits for something to happen.  Welcome all experiences as you never know which one will turn on DESIRE.
  4. RESOLVE.  READ the books UNTIL … Do something until something happens.